How to mend a broken heart

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Love …

That four letter word can either make you the happiest person on the planet or make you want to bury yourself beneath the sheets and hide from society.

Unfortunately, most people experience heartbreak more than once in their lifetimes. And yes, it does suck.

Allowing someone into your heart is terrifying because once he weasels his way in, he holds the power to shatter your heart into a million pieces.

If you’ve recently been in that position, you should know that it is not the end of the world. I truly believe British poet Lord Alfred Tennyson when he wrote: “‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

Although a broken heart is a fragile thing, there are ways to heal. My five steps to mending a broken heart are: grieve, delete, socialize, learn to live for yourself, and then begin anew.

The first step is to give yourself a chance to grieve. Many will dwell on the happy memories and sob over the what ifs.

It’s important to know that it’s okay to cry. Cry until you can’t cry anymore. Call up your best friends and cry to them. And once you’re tired of crying and wallowing over someone who wasn’t right for you, you’ll be over your pity party and being angry.

This is natural. You have every right to be angry. Harness that anger and follow the second step to healing, which is to gather any pictures, jewelry or memorabilia that may still be lingering around your home/car/room and dispose of it immediately.

It may be difficult, but having things remind you of him all the time will not help you move on.

Let go of the Hollywood ideal pounded into your mind that he will come running back to you swearing to have changed after realizing what he lost. It won’t happen, so let it go.

The third step is to get your butt off the couch and go out with friends. It may be nice in that comfortable bubble you’ve created, but distraction is key to this step.

A vital part of getting over a relationship is to surround yourself with people who truly care about you. People who actually accept you for who you are!

Step four is to start living the life you want. Dye your hair the risky color he didn’t approve of, buy the clothes he didn’t want you to wear, or simply speak your mind more.

Do what makes you happy because being in a relationship that constricts your creativity and self-expression can alter your sense of self and happiness.

The love we grow for one person can sometimes trump the love we should have for ourselves.

Learn to love yourself more than you loved that one guy you dated in high school who was your whole world and whose name you’re starting to forget.

Life is short. Don’t waste it changing yourself to please someone else. If he’s the right one, he’ll love you for who you are.

The fifth step is to begin again. After completing the other steps, you should start feeling like your old self again, maybe even a more mature and experienced self.

Some may think they’ll never love again or become guarded because of the fear of heartbreak again. No one wants to get hurt. But if you never put yourself out there, you’ll never meet the right guy who wouldn’t dream of breaking your heart.

Moving on is a process. So take it day by day, and before you realize it, that ex will be a fading memory.

Learn from your past relationship mistakes, and remember that this is just a bump in the road to meeting the right one. As someone once said: “If you could love the wrong one that much, imagine how much you could love the right one.”

 

by Chelsea Salazar, Special to Ka ‘Ohana